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Metal Gear Solid (condensed)

by Mia Descandion

WAR IS BAD, MMMMM-KAY?

I actually just finished Metal Gear Solid and good god loving that game. Yes, that’s Hideo Kojima in those panels. I really have nothing else to say but that THIS COMIC IS FOR ALL YOU VIDEO GAME FAGS IN THE AUDIENCE CAN I GET A RASPY WHINY HEY YEAH OUT THERE YEAH WHOOOO PLEASE DON’T GET UP YOUR STENCH IS TOO MUCH ALREADY THANKS NO I DON’T WANT ANY CHILI CHEESE FRITOS MAYBE LATER.

(Why do all Japanese video games read like something scripted by people playing “Mad Libs”? — ed.)

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Colonel: Hey Solid Snake, destroy Metal Gear!
Solid Snake: OK. Being a soldier is really REALLY hard and all about death only.
Hideo Kojima: War is bad. Nukes are bad.
Otacon: Love is so very hard, I am so sad! Why do people kill others? War! What is it good for?
Solid Snake: Shut up and get me the damn missile launcher!
Hideo Kojima: WAR IS BAD. NUKES ARE BAD.
Solid Snake & Otacon:
Hideo Kojima: Seriously, listen to me! War is bad! Nukes are bad! Why do you fight wars? Why do people kill? Nothing is ever right! Listen! LISTEN!