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| Lincoln Six Echo: | We live in a closed city because the world outside is poisoned. |
|---|---|
| Jordan Two Delta: | If we try our best to Stay healthy we go to the Island. |
| Lincoln Six Echo: | I want to know more about the Island! |
| Lincoln Six Echo: | They Lied! The world is OK! They just want to use our bodies for spare parts! |
| Jordan Two Delta: | OH NOES! Explosions! |
| Lincoln Six Echo: | The island is a Hoax. That was a disappointment. |
| Jordan Two Delta: | It could’ve been worse. We could’ve been in Clonus. |
Everybody together now: ♫ I think I’m a clone now / Everywhere I go there’s one of me around! ♬
OK, first off, I haven’t seen The Island nor do I plan to, because I’ve seen it all before.
During a recent trip to the cinema, I saw the trailer for The Island. As it started, I nudged my friend and jokingly said, “Looks like they’re remaking Clonus.” He looked back with deeply troubled eyes and replied, “Unfortunately, yes.” After watching the rest of the trailer (which stupidly gave away the big secret) I realized that, indeed, The Island was simply Clonus with explosions.
There’s something vaguely appealing about ’70s science fiction: a lack of pretense combined with a limited budget meant that the movies had to rely on the script alone. Logan’s Run, Rollerball, and A Clockwork Orange presented dystopian futures that reflected the uncertainty of a people facing the dual terrors of runaway inflation and disco. Then there was The Clonus Horror, in which happy clones were drugged, exsanguinated, and frozen for later organ harvesting. Not by far an original concept (The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler predated it by eight years) but effective in its combination of sociopathic science and conspiracy theory. Plus it had a surprisingly pyrrhic ending, which could never be done in a modern film.
Yes, it has been MiSTed, but that doesn’t automatically make it a bad movie: it makes it a cheap-to-syndicate movie. If there was any justice in the world, Crow and Tom Servo would be mocking The Phantom Menace; given another twenty years, they just might.
According to early reports, The Island tanked at the box office. Which gives me a small glimmer of hope that Steven Spielburg will wise up and dump Bay before he has a chance to mutilate The Transformers.